Looking for people to commission for good art? Try these people!
- Gorgeous art and is currently desperately in need of money. Affordable prices! Please at least see her journal and spread the word if you have a minute.
- Very clean, quick, and talented! Recently moved to a new city and is still looking for work and starting to feel desperate about the jobhunt, so the income from commissions is helpful.
- Great artist capable of lovely painting, quirky character style, and more. College students always need money!


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"Love or Care: A letter of what is left..."

I find myself pondering what measure of care to give something that does not have my heart...

To explain...I have lately had less and less motivation to remain interested in deviantART. I don't think this means that I no longer like it. It merely means that I have changed.

When I first started here, I had just begun my junior year of high school. I was introduced to the website by someone I talked to during what was basically our school's equivalent of a weekly "study hall" -- during which most students just goofed off and waited for it to be over, but some would get stuff done. I was initially fairly intimidated by deviantART. By its massive size and activity, by the wealth of talent. I gradually got my feet wet, and soon I was merrily interacting with growing confidence.

By the time I graduated high school, I had made friends among deviantART members. Some such relationships have lasted me all these years, are precious and life-affecting. Some have faded with time as we simply grew into different people and went amiably on our way. Some have ended with dispute or unease, though I hold no ill will and I hope they are well. I have encountered unpleasant types aplenty too, of course, and there are two or three people on my "banned" members list, I admit, which I find unpleasant but in life sometimes you must cut out the people who sour your life and I am sure there have been those in my lifetime to say the same of me! Heh.

I have learned a great deal from the people and opportunities explored at this website. Artistically, morally, academically...and simply in moving through life. I have watched good artists become powerhouses of esteem by the community, and good artists depart for policy disagreements, and good artists simply remain half-known or little-known and content to be so. Bless them all. I have learned my own progress as well, and continue to do so daily.

deviantART has been resource, community, social and professional network, advertisement agency, learning platform, inspiration, motivator to press on in my own art, and so much more for me. I have enjoyed making effort to be a good and supportive person, to broaden my horizons and others' when the chance was presented.

I write this merely as observation, not as farewell. Because I do not see any sense in "leaving" or "quitting" deviantART. What would that accomplish but to alienate myself from a large user base of people I have been lucky to know as good 99% of the time, despite our many human faults.

I am attempting to better myself artistically and professionally in the hopes of eventually finding a satisfactory pace of work so as to offer commissions more readily outside of the kind flow of friends and close-peers I have benefited from. If I manage this, I should like to eventually offer such commissions for sale here too, and so it would be to my advantage if I remained active here so as to generate a good user base.

And there is Aboideau, the project I work on with my darling best friend, Tam (*lupinsansei), at all times. We hope to eventually turn it into a sort of comic, and it would be lovely to bring it readership from deviantART when/if that happens, of course, so again that is reason to remain active here.

But I find it difficult. I have never been one of the "popular" artists, which mostly I am grateful for since I feel I could not live up to the expectation but also sometimes I am envious of...because we all feel envy, I suppose, even when we know our shortcomings are things only we may improve upon. But I have been blessed with a fairly regular activity log in terms of the comments, +favorites, and +watches I have received from other users. I have always endeavored to do my best to thank each and every person for such attention, individually, even if it often takes me 3 months or more to get around to it. I feel it is the least I can do.

I have watched many lovely artists for a long time as well, but over time I have become more and more of a lurker-watcher. I hold my tongue and let others comment and fav while I merely watch and appreciate, because I feel that if I am going to say something about an artwork, I want it to be truly heartfelt and well-thought and meaningful. Often, when I look at an artwork I love, I know my gut reaction, but I am hard put to leave text to that effect. I would rather be able to sit down with an artist, to talk to them about their piece and discuss its merits and critical points, formally, philosophically, emotionally... Or at least, if I must do it electronically, do it in a more intimate setting such as private correspondence.

Over the last year or two, my submission of artwork has waned as well. My production of it has not, however. Rather, I have found that I enjoy the blog format and setting more appealing, more personally endearing, as I have gradually changed as a person. Sharing my artwork in a more customized setting simply is comfortable to me and, I think, makes me feel I am maintaining fidelity to my artwork a little more personally. Artistically, I am aware of a strong need for direction and refinement on my part. I have toyed with it like a hobbyist for far too long and need to become more dedicated. While others are capable, I am not so good at doing this in a highly public setting. I am one who needs to take care of my self-education and improvement alone and then return to offer what I have accomplished to a public later, else I let my need to please overwhelm my ability to focus.

In any case, I have become less and less active here with time. I am 22 now and in October I will be 23. My life is something of a mess, I admit, and though I have grown a lot I have a lot left to do before I can say I am grown up. I am no young high school junior any longer, at once overwhelmed, impressed, and intimidated by the novelty of an art community website which caters to millions and millions of user accounts (let's face it, the actual membership is probably a vastly different number) though I certainly appreciate it for what it is.

There are things I disagree with, and things I laud as well managed when all the factors are considered, and things I simply cannot have an opinion on because I do not know so much. But all in all, the site is good, and I have enjoyed it.

But I think, for me, it has run a course. Like those friendships which ended simply because we grew different and apart and failed to continue holding communication...I have lost my eager interactive spirit with deviantART. I am changed, and perhaps eventually I shall change again and find I can be highly active and enjoy it at this site once more.

But for now I suppose this is my letter of disaffection. That I still like you, deviantART, but we are no longer in love. I shall remain with you, and visit you, and occasionally I shall speak among you, but do not be surprised if I am largely silent and half-ghost in your halls.

So here you have it. I will likely only submit an artwork here if I feel a deep and unrelenting NEED to share it. I will likely no longer respond to comments unless they ask specific questions, nor will I be individually thanking each and every favorite and +watch I receive, much as I appreciate them as greatly as ever and always. I simply need to take care of things differently for a while, and that means not holding myself responsible for every set of eyes to wander across my art.

I do this with no resentment or discontent, only a deep breath and a passive release.

I hope that, in time, if I am able to return to you with greater force and a stronger art to show for my silence, you will welcome me again and perhaps I shall be able to build a relationship of greater value with you then.

I am here, I am not gone, but I am not as I was. Thank you, dear viewers.

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For art and its blather, feel free to visit:
Kate's Art Blog -- Where I post art from crap sketches to WIPs to finished pieces and all sorts of nonsense in between, as well as notes on intent, process, meaning, and the always learning curve of being an artist...
Aboidoodles -- Where I post art often never seen anywhere else, by myself, my co-creator Tam, and by other artists. All artwork and information is related to Aboideau, a project by myself and Tam (*lupinsansei)...

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Partner in Crime!:

2/3 of the Hivemind:

My Lovies:

(and others not of dA-land)

THE PRIVATE EXCHANGE ( )
Captain --> -- also feel free to check out the About PE page, or see the new-and-still-in-progress collection of Private Exchange artwork here at dA on or to see who else is currently a member!

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